Can we Chat without Cheating?

Happy new year folks!

So one of these past fine days of this New Year I was in a debate with a friend.  My friend and I talk about a lot of things but on this day, a discussion led us into a debate that I was not going to be understood if I stuck to my not-so-informed guns of psychology because of the unchartered waters. 

Have you ever been in a situation where you have a lot to say? A lot such that you are afraid when you start talking it will be mistaken for blather? 

If yes, thank you because I was in that state when we got to the thick of it. If no, too bad. Get a life.

So this friend comes up with a lent concept that; it is highly unlikely for two people of opposite sex to talk and chat on regular basis without cheating. Oh boy! My exact reaction.  The friend ask for my opinion or my take on the whole nebulous saying that two of opposite sex cannot be in constant communication without cheating (Assuming that both have partners; whether married or not). 

On this, the friend goes full atomic, throws medical jargons and jibber- jabber while I nod in confusion. Then it hit me that if I tried to give my side, it might lead to a misconception and because I needed to be understood, I withheld. I said to my friend on a pedestal, “Hey *** I may not be able to align my words better to give you a piece of my mind for it is crowded with unsorted information. If I try now, I may end up saying what I have to say in wrong order. So I will answer you in an article.”

Here we are!

Sample speech:

“Hey Lydia, I don’t think we can be in constant contact without cheating”.

What we think is manifested outwardly:

Whatever comes out is as a result of an idea that is manifested as an action. After the incubation of an idea it becomes a precept then a concept and finally an action or words in form of speech.

Idea

An idea is the opinion or the belief that gives a purpose. The idea is incubated in the subconscious or the unconscious mind depending on the timelines.  It forms the objective of the potential action in case it successfully executed and not misconceived (misconception).

Precept

This is the command how the idea is going to be executed. It is the instruction or guiding principles and doctrines that must be followed to avoid misconception. It is the “legislative” step towards achieving the mission and vision incubated in the idea.

Concept

The plan laid down by precept for carrying out of the idea is accepted here. “Sounds like a plan”- this is where that phrase emanates. So the abstract idea is borne here. Then in order not to make it an abstraction, a mental image is created and the corresponding entities like the body and the language start acting out.

If the plan fails to be carried as per the rules, principles and doctrines laid down in the precept, the idea is misconceived. The concept is broken- Misconception.

Word/action

This may be speech and actions. When one wants to communicate, he must use words as per the order of the precepts and as conceived to ensure that the information does not break down- misconception.

Relevance:

Have I lost you?

Let me bring you back.  Some dude (I have a gut feeling it was one of us) said that a man cannot claim honest relations with a woman so long as they are in constant communication or contact, lest they are about to have an affair or something fishy going on. And I say, no. It is all in the mind of the man and not necessarily true.

The mind is hereby explained. So how is it in the mind?

When someone wants to have something go his way, he crafts an idea in the mind out of which he acts. The moment one says that it is not possible for such to happen, there is an idea incubating. To discern the intention of whoever crafted the phrase, we go back to the original intention of that man.

What was the remotest of ideas that made the man to invent that phrase?

Most probably, there was a possible treasure hunt (woman) and the easiest way to get to the treasure was to make his intentions bare from the beginning so that she knows the stakes. At the same time he doesn’t want to scare the woman away. So to play safe, he introduces a belief that will be a subject of endless debates after all; it is just an opinion/belief and not a fact.  

They will go round in circles over who’s is right or who is wrong; at the end of the day, the seed is already sown and she is in the know at least of a fringe idea of the man’s intentions. The intentions may be dressed in a different cloak, whatever the case may be the man has spoken his peace and the point is home; vague or not; he has said what he wants her to know rather impliedly like this, “Look, I don’t believe that I can be all chatty with you without having some sort of connection”.

In better other words this is the plain way the man is saying it: “Hey, I think you should know that I am having a thing for you and the fact that we are in touch should not be in vain or count for nothing. I have expectations”.

 Implementing the original Idea/intention:

The original intention was to ensure that the woman knows that she has a target on her back.

Why does a brother resort to all these sideshows? I have two analogies, though not exhaustive, they try to explain superficially what might result to the coded language.

Analogy one: Some women can be so heartless to friend zone a brother in need. All along she would treat him like the sweet youngest brother she never had or the eldest brother that she wished she had. These are kinds of damsels that assume a brother and tag themselves as “dating” yet she makes the brother feel like he has a shot but every time the brother takes a shot he ends up shooting himself on the foot.

These are the kinds of men who have sent all the signals red, orange, green, smoke, drums and sign language to the woman unsuccessfully. Every time a brother is trying to fine-tune the damsel, she corrects his pick-up lines. She is willing to take up a brother on his lunch offer and candle lit dinners. When the time comes when she is supposed to keep up with how much a brother is committed to having something with her instead she keeps up with Kardashians.

Analogy two: A sister is so fine and reserved so much that our guy finds all fences and hedges tight. The moral armor of a sister has no chink. A brother wants to be let in but, no, the sister sees more of a colleague who helps her with the files, the calls, of course a tumbler of cold water from the dispenser and occasional company to lunch which she pays and at times covers a brother’s meals. 

The Chinese walls are so high here. He has her number, thanks to job WhatsApp group. He has been sharing work stuff and reacting to a sister’s WhatsApp status. The sister is impressed because a brother is so good with reducing her workload and now that she wants this beast of burden, she has to trade with replying with emoji and receiving his third or fourth calls, at least he feels his effort is appreciated. A brother is seeing a chance with this damsel and wants to get personal once in a while so he tests the waters.

This is when our brothers in both analogies pull a straw man; “you know it is not possible to keep in touch with a guy when you are not having a thing?”

The idea (intention) and the command (precept) in which it was to be said to the woman were in place all along. The big issue is not the belief, it is the communication and how believable it is made to sound.

How does it sound so believable?

The devil is in the detail. The trick is in execution. How meek you are makes it a cliché that is so true without tangible proof.  The phrase is malleable and gullible; its workability depends on who it is spoken to and how good it is spoken. When spoken in a conclusive tone, it is believable plus the intention of the woman spoken to is a factor (going by the fact that they are the ones mostly on the receiving end). If she wants to believe it because she has a little bit of an interest, it will be true to her to the letter.

The phrase works like a charm. Because it is not the business of the man to convince the woman that statistics support his side, no. The fact that it is implanted in the mind/heart of the target, its purpose is done. All that is left is the sower to weed it, water it and apply fertilizer then given time, the seed will grow in the woman’s heart (that is if she lets her guard down) and eventually give in to the fruits of this misconception.

It is a Misconception:

The notion in this phrase is that men and women cannot have genuine relations without strings attached whatsoever.  Not true. Like I said, this is a representative phrase for those with intentions other than the basic foundation of moral co-existence. The basic foundation of moral co-existence is the ability to interact between the sexes in good faith without sexual chemistry or being involved whether illicit or not, being the axes of such relations.

The world revolves around a lot of facts: Kingdom of God, Economics, Politics and Social orders. People relate differently. Some relations are based purely on the Kingdom Principles of God e.g. a preacher and a member of the congregation, a supplier and a businesswoman, Woman Representative for County Government and her male party leader and neighbors co-existing peacefully. It is not true that inter-sex relations that have been consistent over a long period is, must or may have been built on a foundation of sexual chemistry or intercourse. Nada!

Conclusion

People are what they think:

Williams James said “the greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitude of mind.”  Also, Marcus Aurelius in agreement with Williams said “A man’s life is what his thoughts make of it.”

 In the Bible, the book of Proverbs 23:7 equally confirms this principle “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he…” (NKJV).

The above sayings and Biblical allusion is to the effect that what anyone has inside of them influences their acts. So be careful what another person tells you. They may sugar coat it by making it become relevant to their situation, regardless of how they make of it, the mere fact that it is spoken also speaks of their heart or mind.

Whatever comes from the mouth of a man are embedded deep inside of them- Matthew 15:18 “But the things that come out of a person's mouth come from the heart…” and when they are spoken they are intended to achieve an intended purpose that already in effect spoken. 

Or maybe I took the subject too serious yet it may be a 2019 pick-up line. Aha!